Make Up Your Mind

I love Milwaukee… I love Wisconsin… I am not a fan, however, of a weather system (or any system for that matter) that can’t make a decision.

I spent December and January traveling to residency interviews, and being exposed to all different types of weather around the country. When I wasn’t traveling I was spending time in Utah, with my fantastic family.

I mention this because on the day that I left Wisconsin the weather was awful. How awful was it you ask? Well when I drove to the gym, at 10AM on the morning of my departure, the temperature reading in my car's dash said -7… again it was 10AM. Once in the care, the radio announcer said that the wind was moving at around 30 mph and that made it feel like -40 (no one quote me on these numbers… they are of course vague recollections after all). When I got to the gym and sprinted from my car to the door of the gym, I actually had to pause to make sure that I hadn’t stepped in front of the world’s largest arctic leaf blower. After realizing that it wasn’t a massive leaf blower… it was simply winter in Wisconsin… I put my hands on my stinging face and proceeded inside the building.

While I was out of Milwaukee, I got a number of emails from my school with warnings of severe weather in Wisconsin. The following suggestions were actually forwarded to me:

• Stay indoors as much as possible.
• If it is necessary to venture outside, dress warmly and try to stay dry. Exposed skin can become frost bitten within minutes, so minimize the amount exposed by wearing a hat or hood, a scarf or knit mask to cover the face and mouth, mittens or gloves, water-resistant coat and boots, and layered clothing if possible.
• Avoid excessive exertion. The body can lose a great deal of heat through breathing (warm air out and cold air in), which places additional strain on an individual.
• Carry an emergency pack in the car that includes blankets and travel with a cell phone in the event of an accident.

All of this made me laugh, as I was in Utah enjoying at least tolerable 30-50 degree weather, with lots of sunshine and occasional snow mixed in. When it was time to go home, I was genuinely worried about what the weather would be like. My worries quickly disappeared on arriving to sunshiney Milwaukee. I was treated to record highs (up to the 60’s), or as I like to call it “The Golden Age of Wisconsin Winter Weather.” I honestly did not know what to do about that weather, and may have even been in denial… you know like when you win a contest and say, “I can’t believe I won.” Or like when you grew up in my family and you say, “I can’t believe I only have a single complex.” You know that the outcome was expected, but it surprises you anyway?

So today I had planned to do a number of things, like: go to the gym, put up drapes (3 years too late… yeah… I know), and go out with the missionaries. I head out the door at 10AM (before you ask… yes, if it’s important to me it gets done at 10AM. I don't know why... it's just how I roll), and snow has been falling all night, the roads were awful, and I'm pretty sure several puppies froze to death (that’s right, snow kills dogs).

And I'm ok with most of those things (some more than others), but just be honest… Don’t tell me you’re going to be hot and then drop 7 inches of snow on me… Don't tell me you're going to be one way, and then as soon as I come to expect that behavior from you, you change your mind and decide to be the polar opposite. Pick a climate and stick to it! I hate this indecision!

PS I took like 15 pictures of the snowfall, but I couldn’t decide which one to use…

I’d love to come to dinner…

I'm not sure what it is about me that screams, “INVITE ME TO DINNER!!” I'm not sure if it’s the deprived look I always have on my face, my formerly emaciated frame, or the complete lack of confidence that people have in me to provide for myself. Whatever it is, I wish I could grow it, harvest it, freeze dry it, package it and ship it to starving people everywhere. It’s honestly something that’s served me well since I sipped Diet Pepsis at OB’s house in high school. It’s gotten me delicacies like fish stew (with the entire fish just thrown in), cow tripe, and countless other foods that I’ve apparently blocked from my memory but that I know where disgusting when I ate them. However, these invitations have also brought me things like delicious missionary taco dinners, the Jeffs’ Manicotti, and several pasta bakes at Greg and Nat’s. So while it’s definitely a blessing and a curse… the blessings outweigh the curses.

Currently, my landlord who, in addition to being one of the most gregarious people that I’ve ever met, is kind enough to occasionally invite me to dinner with him and his wife. Not only does he take me to Milwaukee staples like Elsa’s, McGinn’s and Mamma Mia’s, but they also have me over to their house every once in a while. The only thing I like more than having dinner with this particular family is the conversations that we have over dinner (and yes, I know those two things are the same).

Some of my favorite topics of conversation with this particular family include:

1) When my landlord was going to rent one of his apartments to the missionaries, he invited the missionaries over to dinner and had me come along (I'm a good Mormon buffer apparently). After dinner the conversation turned to Glocks, and I affirmed my desire to both keep and bear arms. Now my landlord can’t see me without audibly wondering whether or not I'm armed… and for some reasons the missionaries aren't nearly as pushy in their search for member referrals (at least from me).

2) Anytime we get to talk about my dating life (which, for my fault or theirs, is pretty much every time we get together). It always gives me the chance to answer questions like, “Who was that Suzy Cream Cheese we saw you with?” To which I get to say outrageous things like, “Which night are you talking about? Because that would help me to narrow it down.” I love these conversations because I love to say outrageous things, and because I had no idea that the moniker Suzy Cream Cheese even existed or that there are people who actually use it in conversation… I guess you learn something new every day.

3) Anytime we discuss the Singles Ward, because then I get to use the phrase, “The Island of Misfit Toys.” They love that nickname and laugh every time I bring it up. Then they say things like, “What are the chances that you’ll match here.” They go out of their way to imply that they’ll miss me, which certainly makes me feel good. It also means I leave with a well fed stomach and a well fed ego, and I don’t have even have to make up a new joke.

For all of those pros, I can’t really think of any cons to these meals. Unless you count the fact that every time we get together, I'm reminded that my time is Milwaukee is ending. While I won’t miss the winters here, it will certainly be tough to give up the current free dinner circuit that I’ve developed.

Can I just go to the library and read?...

Sometimes I ask certain questions… when I really have other questions on my mind. This happened to me yesterday at work. I am currently doing a transfusion medicine rotation, which is more like transfusion chart reviews. I say that because there is very little medicine involved, and by very little I mean about as much as you’d see doing your taxes or playing video games. Literally, there have been several days where the entire work day consisted of 20-25 minutes of looking over already filled out documents and verifying that they’re right. Because redundancy annoys me, this rotation is like reading about where all the money from the stimulus package is going (i.e. it gets worse the further into it you get).

Having said all that, there are good days. These days are the ones that make the bad days bearable. Like yesterday for instance, I went into work at 9:30 AM and waited to begin the charade… Because I knew it would be a long hard day, I brought a book. I spent 2 hours trying to work through 1800’s British slang to learn about Pip’s crazy adventures in Great Expectations. At 11:30 AM… We (me and the other student) got a call from our attending. She said, “I am so sorry but things have gotten really busy in the hospital. So I'm not going to make it over to the office to go over the paperwork. So… ummm…” At this point, she clearly wants to send us home because we aren’t going to be doing anything. However, she knows that I'm actually paying to be there and doesn’t want to disappoint me with her lack of devotion to my education. So I preempt her guilt with the medical student’s best friend, “Can I just to the library and read about transfusions?” (The implication being that even though there aren’t any learning activities on the agenda, I'm still going to learn something.) She of course answers in the affirmative, and I get to go to the “library.”

The real question on my mind was, “Are you freaking kidding?” although “Why did you even make me come into the hospital in the first place?” was a close second. I keep these questions to myself and file them under the category of questions I wish I could ask. They’re right next to, “How old are you,” “Are you going to eat that?,” “Is that a birthmark?,” or “Are you gaining weight? or do you just buy clothes that are too small?”

Ummm.... Did you drop something?

I recently became a member of the West Suburban YMCA. I love going to the gym, so this is a great way to kill 2 hours a day (I don’t actually workout that strenuously, but I include my post-gym shower in my workout time… it makes me sound tougher).

My new found membership has come with its pros and cons. On the pro side, I'm able to relieve stress and lose those three pounds that plague me and Regina George. It’s close to my house, and the facilities are clean and contain a television in front of a treadmill. Basically, everything I'm looking for in a gym.

In fact, I love the gym so much that it’s taken me a while to find a con (and as much as I enjoy complaining about everything that is no small feat on the part of the YMCA). However, today I found one… So I get a 3 hour break at work (which is another debacle in and of itself), and I decide that I'm going to head to the gym. Run on the treadmill for an hour and be back in time for noon conference. The entire thing was uneventful, I went to the gym, changed, ran, and went to the showers (and no it’s not what you’re thinking… well it might be, but that depends on how your mind works). I finish washing up and begin my 10 minute rinse (or as my dad calls it “water wasting”). As I'm minding my own business looking straight ahead at a very nondescript tan tile at eye level, I notice something moving rapidly just 2 showers down to my right. Well my number one rule of showering in a public place is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER under any circumstances let someone get the drop on you in the shower. So I instinctively turn my head toward the disturbance. Imagine how shocked I was when I saw a guy about my age, doing toe touches in the shower. Seriously, he was my age… (not an old guy who could use senility or lack of social inhibitions as an excuse). I didn’t know what to do… I panicked and yelled “FIRE!!!” Not really, but can you imagine a fireman who wouldn’t have been on my side if I explained to him why I caused a panic which led to the trampling of some decrepit octogenarian? I can’t… and honestly that feeling of helplessness to stop the situation, hurts more than the mental pictures burned into my brain of the naked-stretcher! (and that's saying something!)