I’d love to come to dinner…

I'm not sure what it is about me that screams, “INVITE ME TO DINNER!!” I'm not sure if it’s the deprived look I always have on my face, my formerly emaciated frame, or the complete lack of confidence that people have in me to provide for myself. Whatever it is, I wish I could grow it, harvest it, freeze dry it, package it and ship it to starving people everywhere. It’s honestly something that’s served me well since I sipped Diet Pepsis at OB’s house in high school. It’s gotten me delicacies like fish stew (with the entire fish just thrown in), cow tripe, and countless other foods that I’ve apparently blocked from my memory but that I know where disgusting when I ate them. However, these invitations have also brought me things like delicious missionary taco dinners, the Jeffs’ Manicotti, and several pasta bakes at Greg and Nat’s. So while it’s definitely a blessing and a curse… the blessings outweigh the curses.

Currently, my landlord who, in addition to being one of the most gregarious people that I’ve ever met, is kind enough to occasionally invite me to dinner with him and his wife. Not only does he take me to Milwaukee staples like Elsa’s, McGinn’s and Mamma Mia’s, but they also have me over to their house every once in a while. The only thing I like more than having dinner with this particular family is the conversations that we have over dinner (and yes, I know those two things are the same).

Some of my favorite topics of conversation with this particular family include:

1) When my landlord was going to rent one of his apartments to the missionaries, he invited the missionaries over to dinner and had me come along (I'm a good Mormon buffer apparently). After dinner the conversation turned to Glocks, and I affirmed my desire to both keep and bear arms. Now my landlord can’t see me without audibly wondering whether or not I'm armed… and for some reasons the missionaries aren't nearly as pushy in their search for member referrals (at least from me).

2) Anytime we get to talk about my dating life (which, for my fault or theirs, is pretty much every time we get together). It always gives me the chance to answer questions like, “Who was that Suzy Cream Cheese we saw you with?” To which I get to say outrageous things like, “Which night are you talking about? Because that would help me to narrow it down.” I love these conversations because I love to say outrageous things, and because I had no idea that the moniker Suzy Cream Cheese even existed or that there are people who actually use it in conversation… I guess you learn something new every day.

3) Anytime we discuss the Singles Ward, because then I get to use the phrase, “The Island of Misfit Toys.” They love that nickname and laugh every time I bring it up. Then they say things like, “What are the chances that you’ll match here.” They go out of their way to imply that they’ll miss me, which certainly makes me feel good. It also means I leave with a well fed stomach and a well fed ego, and I don’t have even have to make up a new joke.

For all of those pros, I can’t really think of any cons to these meals. Unless you count the fact that every time we get together, I'm reminded that my time is Milwaukee is ending. While I won’t miss the winters here, it will certainly be tough to give up the current free dinner circuit that I’ve developed.