Uncreative Title....

So now that I'm almost two months into this whole residency thing, I thought I would include an update along the same lines as my last one. You know, "Funniest," "Most awkward," "Most annoying..." and other such memories that struck me as memorable at the time... Honestly, (and you may have noticed without my saying so) I'm really verbose... I know... I know... it comes as a surprise, but it's true. So I decided to break it up into more manageable single stories...


On that note, here's the story I dubbed as Most Speechless Moment:


I was working on the floor (code for hospital) one day, and I got a call from my Chief Resident (code for “One of My Many Bosses, aka the Highest Resident Boss on my team). My chief says, “Intern (code for me... some day I hope to get a name), go see Ms X in clinic and tell me what you think.” Now a little background, my chief was in the operating room and not able to go see this lady so he asked me to... which is cool because I get to do things I normally wouldn’t be asked to do. I also get to see a patient and make a decision with at least the 3 minute walk down the hall before someone tells me what to do. (More background) Ms. X is a 63 year old woman who had been in the hospital the week before. She had a big wound that was now draining some clear fluid and needed someone from the team to see her (don't worry this is not terribly uncommon and very treatable). I show up to clinic to see her. I find her there with her sister (who had been taking care of her at home.... clearly two "women" cut from the same cloth). She’s sitting there in a wheelchair with her nightgown on and we had the following exchange:

Old Lady: Oh Dr. P, I’m glad someone that I know came to see me. I’ve had a lot of drainage from my wound and I’m worried (not her exact words, but you get the idea).
We talk for 20 minutes (which is a long time for me)... and at the end of 20 minutes I recap everything we talked about (I’m an excellent communicator... I get it from my dad).
Old Lady (in a very Southern-elderly-woman-accent):“Why no Doctah P, I believe that’s everything... unless there’s something else you’d like to tahlk about?... What should we tahlk about?... We could tahlk about sex if wahnt?...” (Her and her sister giggle wildly.... and I mean wildly...)
Me (probably blushing):....
Me:....
Me:...
Me:...
Me:... Well Ma’am, I’m not sure how much I could add to that conversation, so I’ll just get goin’ now (apparently, I have a printed Southern accent)... I will be back once, I have talked to your surgeon...

Her and Her sister: Still giggling wildly... “Ahlright Doctah P... we'll see you in a minute”

Me:... Ummmm.... "Alright... Ma'am?"

One down.... Eighty-three to go....

The first month of residency is behind me… seems like a good time to reflect on what my most memorable moments were for me…

• Loved peds surgery… definitely keeps it on top of my list of career options
• Making a ton of great friends among the residents… Really excited about spending the next 5-7 years with them…
• Rounding alone with the attending for the first time… It was cool because, normally we round as a team (which consists of 4 residents and 5 medical students) with the attending. Usually the attending listens while only the chief resident talks about the patients. The rest of the team usually only get asked either general medical questions or random tidbits that our chief doesn’t know off the top of her head. Doing it alone made me realize that I was more familiar with the intimate details of their care than I thought
• Doing a whole operation… even though it was only the removal of a port used for chemotherapy (making it neither difficult, dangerous, or all that interesting), but it was cool to do every step by myself (with direction and supervision of the attending of course)
• Not sleeping nearly enough… but that’s what I asked for…
• Signing out on my last night, and realizing how much I learned and how well I knew my patients
• Missing my family… but don’t worry only 83ish months to go right?.... right?...
• A new addition to the family
• Seeing how fast the G-monster and the A-lady are growing… tough to see kids every day and not think about those two…

Funniest hospital story: It’s sometimes sad to see how institutionalized some of the really sick kids become. They know the doctors, nurses, and details of their care better than I do, and you’re just grateful you didn’t have to go through childhood worrying about things like that. However, sometimes it leads to funny stories… When I was getting ready for the case I mentioned above about removing the port (it’s a catheter that can be left in someone’s vein for a long time so that you don’t have to get an IV placed every few days). The kid is in remission and doing great so the port is no longer necessary and coming out. He tells us how excited he is to have it out because he hates it… but he also hates, hates, hates anesthesia. He doesn’t want the anesthesia induced by the IV or the face mask because they both make him nauseous. We tell him can’t take out the port without it… he thinks for a second smiles goes, “FINE!” Sticks his finger in the air like a little general and goes “But I want Zofran after!” and lays day on the table with a smile. Now Zofran is an anti-nausea medication… and maybe you all know that but it was probably the last thing I ever expected the little guy to say… the whole room was laughing, including his mom.

Funniest outside the hospital story: I was having dinner with a collection of residents. We were at a medicine resident’s house, and she was talking about how much she loved Twilight. Some people were giving her a hard time, but everyone was talking about the movie, vampires, and a lot of other things my older
brother would love… to roll his eyes at. In the group is the girlfriend of another medicine resident (she’s a senior dental student and a super nice girl, that had never met me before). The conversation turns to the storyline of the book. Someone mentions that the author is Mormon, I think in a nod to the only Mormon in the room. The dental student says, “I know! I heard there are a ton of Mormon themes in the book…” (dramatic pause….) Looks left… looks right… smiles, and says, “Are any of you guys Mormon? (Silence falls on the room and worried looks cross some of the faces) Because…” At which point I interject, “I am…” Now this might be hard for you to believe but sometimes people have trouble knowing whether I’m being serious or joking (apparently the spectrum of my emotional expression ranges from sarcastic all the way to sarcastic)… She looks at me surprised, “Are you serious?...” I responded with another grin, “Uh, yeah…” She responds, “No you’re not… are you serious?....” As she flounders a little, the other three people who know me at the table say, “He’s Mormon…” (Awkward doesn’t begin to describe the mood… it is better described as excruciating… for her of course, because I was dying both inwardly and outwardly). She quickly explained how nice the Mormons at the dental school were and how much she respected Mormons… we made it through the rest of a very pleasant dinner, but I don’t know how many times I’ve seen people from the dinner and asked them, “Are any of you Mormon?...” and gotten a big laugh… Now if I can get that nice girl to stop feeling bad about asking such an innocuous question, the story will have a happy ending.