NO! It’s Actually Unacceptable…

I love traveling, whether it be to far away destinations or back home. New destinations are so exciting because I get to see the way other people live, explore new cities, and learn about the history of another location. Home offers a completely opposite, but more enriching experience. I get to enjoy locations that are familiar to me. I get to relax and be comfortable in an environment that I know. Most importantly I get to see my family again, and no matter how much we’ve changed it feels like I never left.

This most recent trip home was fantastic because I got to meet my new, beautiful, and sleepy niece (who may be the most germ free baby I’ve ever met… at least I hope she is… for her mom’s sake…). It was great to see my younger brother (who I am jealous of in every way… except of course his math/physics skills, don’t need ‘em… don’t want ‘em). I got to hang out with my favorite nephew who, if he doesn’t grow up to be a janitor (see brooms, love of), is going to be an awesome cowboy (rivaled only by my youngest brother’s future in cattle roping). I got to hang out with my favorite sister and watched her choked down what I can only describe as vinegar ice cream, and chatting about life (she’s so smart, strong, and kind… I wish I was more like her). I got to devastate my dad on e-golf (despite his 3 eagles and 1 double eagle… I'm not sure how he did it, but he always mentions a C++ class he took way back and that’s the only thing I can come up with). Other highlights include:

• My aunt’s phone ringing in church…
• My aunt, embarrassed that her phone went off in church, loudly saying her daughter's name from 5ft away to chastise her for making noise during the meeting...
• My cousin sleeping/kissing/cuddling/making out in church…
• My family texting about all of the above…
• Seeing my best friends, and catching up…

At this point, I know exactly what you’re thinking… “All of those things sound ‘acceptable.’” And you know what? You’re absolutely right… that brings us to my trip home. After a day on the e-course and e-packing (no wait the packing was real… sorry I played so much Wii this weekend I'm having trouble separating ‘e’ and realit-e), I was taken to the airport by my dad (still reeling from the losses) and my brother (still thinking about the Chinese food at home in the kitchen). Their minds elsewhere, they slowed to a roll and I jumped from the car…

I checked in using the US Airways Kiosk, which printed 1 boarding pass and 1 receipt for a boarding pass that says, “Please proceed to your gate for the seat assignment.” Well I mustered all of the patience in my being and waited to ask the ticket agent until he was done talking to the traveler he was currently talking to. Once they’d finished blathering, I said something like, “I just got a receipt instead of a boarding pass (sighing… furrowing the eyebrow…), what does that mean?” He assures me that everything is going to be fine, I’ll be able to board that flight but they have to upgrade some of the coach people to first class before they can give me my seat assignment. To which I responded (with a tone as skeptical as I can muster), “Are you sure? Because if I'm going to get bumped, I’d rather be bumped here than Phoenix…” Again reassurance from my ticket agent (I wish I could remember his name, but for the purposes of this story, we’ll call him Moron (he’s actually not coming up again, but I think it’s important to label him as such))

After flying peacefully sleeping all the way to Phoenix I exited the plane and walk to the adjacent (yes… adjacent… I was definitely not lolly-gagging) terminal and ask for my boarding pass. The lady goes, “We oversold this flight and you’re on the standby list.” She then used the skill of “blankly-staring-at-the-client-without-giving-any-additional-information-at-a-crucial-point-of-the-conversation-where-more-information-would-be-appropriate” technique that she must have learned in her mandatory 1 hour “Working with Real People Seminar” (where she was ironically working with ‘fake’ people). I could feel my frustration boiling to the top, and we proceeded to have the following conversation (we’ll call her Idiot… not because it’s appropriate to call her an idiot… more because this is a family oriented blog, and it’s not appropriate to call her what she is):

• Me: So what does that mean?
• Idiot: It means you may not have a seat on this flight
• Me: (trying to prompt her to follow a logical path of the explanation of what I can only imagine is a common problem in her line of work) When will I find out if I have a seat or not?
• Idiot: It’s hard to say…
• Me: Well this flight is boarding in 20 minutes, and if I'm not getting on it I need to have an alternative plan. Do you know how likely I am to get on the flight?
• Idiot: (after looking me up on the list) If I were you I would try to get on another flight, because it’s highly unlikely that you’ll get on this fl…
• Me: Are you kidding me?
• Idiot: No sir, do I look like I have a sense of humor or a modicum of creativity (she didn’t say that last part… I'm reading between the lines…) We can get you there by Wednesday afternoon at the very latest sir, if you’ll just be patient…
• Me: Ma’am, I am a medical student I have patients that I have to see in the hospital tomorrow morning (I realize calling this a stretch is like calling the sun warm. I was flustered though and I panicked, so give me a break). So Wednesday is unacceptable!
• Idiot: Actually sir, it is acceptable! I understand what you’re saying but these are our opti…
• Me: No! Actually Wednesday is still UNACCEPTABLE and NO! You actually don’t understand! I need to be in Milwaukee tomorrow morning, are there any other options?
• Idiot: There are 2 other options available. Both are horrible convoluted options that meagerly compensate you for the hell we’re going to put you through because we made a bad choice (again, reading between the lines). The first gets into Milwaukee tomorrow at 4PM and the second takes you through Kansas City tonight, puts you in a hotel and then flies you on another airline into Milwaukee at 7AM.
• Me: (processing this horrendous ‘solution’ (if you can even call it that) to this problem) So are you paying for my hotel and food tonight?
• Idiot: Here is a brochure describing your rights.
• Me: (not breaking eye contact) I'm not reading a brochure. How about we just review the options again, and then you can explain the brochure to me.
• Idiot: I am an idiot (this particular message was nonverbal but it definitely was no longer hidden between the lines).

To make this story less voluminous… I went to Kansas City last night. Fell asleep for an hour. Flew to Milwaukee this morning and I'm home now… and happy again. Because no matter how horrible the last few paragraphs were… the first few paragraphs made it worth it…